This is the most difficult post I have written thus far. It’s not something I talk about much, but I hope knowing someone else has gone through the same hardship will encourage someone else. Homeschool and mental illness are not two words you would generally think go together, but many of us homeschool through challenges and this is mine.
After my fourth baby, I could tell something wasn’t right almost immediately. My husband would frequently find me curled up sobbing in the fetal position on our bathroom floor after work, I was constantly anxious about irrational things, and I was snapping at the kids all the time. After a couple months of this, my mom and husband made me go to the doctor. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and given medication. Now looking back, I wish I had looked into different things that would help, but I didn’t know any better. I took the medication for about six months and was able to get off without any problem, so I assumed I was all better.
After my fifth baby, I crashed harder. I had a c-section and was having a tough recovery period. This time the depression and anxiety came on with a vengeance. We would be on short drives and I would all of a sudden stop the car to check if the baby was breathing. I would frequently have anxiety attacks over anything. After the Sandy Hook elementary shooting I ended up in the ER that night because I was terrified over my children dying and couldn’t calm down. So back on medication I went. This helped immensely, but I was still having breakthrough anxiety attacks.
When I got pregnant, with my sixth baby, my doctor recommended getting off my antidepressant. I did and it was a very rough pregnancy. I began to get very fearful as my c-section date was getting closer. I started counseling and I was so amazed at how helpful this was. She taught me a lot of helpful techniques to get through the c-section. Again, I crashed right after baby came. This time I didn’t wait months to get help. I knew I needed it right away. Finally, I had a couple years of great mental health between medication and counseling.
Being the brilliant person I am, two years ago I decided to wean myself off the medication without doctor supervision. Do not do this!! I crashed harder than I ever had before. I was suicidal and had to be monitored for more than a week around the clock, so I didn’t do anything detrimental to myself. My body was having withdrawals and I was physically ill for over a week. This was the worst week of my life and it was so difficult to have my children watch me go through this. During this time I went back to the doctor and was put back of my medication and been doing fine since then.
Here are somethings in our homeschool that helped immensely when I went these times of immense anxiety and depression. Homeschool and mental illness do not have to contradict one another.
Establish routine and rhythm
My kids knew the drill when I went through these hard times. Many times we would skip the one on one time I would work with them, but they still had enough to do independently that school could still occur on days I didn’t feel well. When you are well, establish independent work that can be done with or without you.
Take care of yourself
I am still learning how to do this, but it is absolutely amazing how much better I feel when I am eating right and exercising. This could also be mental breaks you give yourself. Reading a great book, writing in a journal, coloring are all great relaxing activities.
Have community
I can’t stress this one enough! Have people you can reach out to when you are feeling down. Be honest with your community when you need help. This does make you vulnerable, but it also builds relationship. When I had my worst breakdown, my best friend brought her kids over a couple times, and just sat with me. My Bible study, that I served in pooled money together and brought a weeks worth of groceries over and then made us meals every night for a week. My mom took me on two walks around the neighborhood everyday to get me outside. The outpouring of love was amazing.
Ask for help
The community part will only help if you are willing to ask for help. This is really difficult, but necessary. People can’t help if they don’t know what you are going through. You need to be willing to put yourself out there. This also gives you accountability, because they will most likely check in with you to see how you are doing later.
Reach out to your church family and read the Bible and pray
This was my one constant through all of this and it was so very encouraging. My relationship with the Lord became so much stronger when I was in my lowest points. It was the only thing that gave me a steady sense of hope and encouragement.
Homeschool and mental illness is hard. There is no easier way to put it. Homeschooling is an amazing form of education, but can take a lot of the parent or grandparent teaching. Add mental illness to mix and it can be downright challenging. Try not to beat yourself up though. Your children will learn empathy and compassion as they watch you struggle. It lets them know it is okay to struggle and that people will be there for you when you are down. You also shouldn’t be ashamed. Depression and anxiety are caused by chemical imbalances, and are not a lack of character. Have hope, dear friend!
